lol most definitly. I'm supersticious about spliting poles.  like when you are in a group and the group splits to go around a pole. this is bad luck for the oldest person in the group. and to prevent this the whole group must stay together and go around the pole on the same side.

So cool it's been like a week since my last update, and you really, quite desperately need to know whats going on with me. Well here it is. I've been at the YMCA working out with my family. EVERYDAY. It's good but, I'm surprised I'm not dead. lol but, I love it. I haven't seen my grandmother really smile like this in forever. The whole fam just seems more together now that  we all are eating better and exercising. My mom has stopped bothering me about my transness, but I know it  hasn't gone away. I opened a deep wound and it'll take some time and real effort for it to heal. BUT, at least I have wash board abs. ;p lol no jk 7 days working out for an hour and a half hasn't even made a dent.

lol other than that I've been to tired to do much else. no bass. no...well...less japanese. Have been catching up on sleep.  OH! had a party with some friends and got crunk. lol nothing crazy. didn't even have a headache or anything the next day. What else.....oh had a sleep over at kai's. We had a DBZ marathon!!! Freeza saga is amazing. So many things I forgot about after not watching that for a good minute.

And last but, not least, a disaster in the making. tomorrow is my family's first family reunion. I have a feeling it's going to go horridly wrong. Half aren't coming and the half that is has beef, and I'm not talkin the kind we will make hamburgers with. Thats way I have invited my besto friendo to come with. We will be the spectators of the nuclear war that was once laughingly called my family. 

yay for me lol

I think many things can be answered my science, but not everything. Ghosts spirits and what not.

I am sick of this image that people have made of God. It's so contradicting!
"God is all loving" then why does he create a hell to send people to?
"Everyone is made in Gods image" Then why is it that people who are naturally different from the main social views are evil or are sinning?? when they are just trying to be what God made them to be.

I wanted to get this out as fast as I could before this thick, hot, intense rush of feelings, emotions and beliefs get washed away as I sip my calming herbal tea. This is hard for me. I have felt it most of my life, but recently it's been extremely obvious to me, in an almost painful way, that my mind and spirit do not match with my psychical body. Transgender or transsexual are the words I learned in high school health class. I don't hate my body. it's beautiful. God made it carefully with a steady artist's hand. A master. But what he made with even more skill is my soul and personality, My mind. This is my belief and you must understand it to understand me. I do not believe in the bible, or any holy books here on earth, but I do believe God is ALL powerful and makes all of us special. With special purposes that may or may not be visible to us. We may not even understand it. yes our bodies are important, but not as important as whats inside.

But people in general will never understand. They are too afraid of the judgment  they'll receive from the people around them. Of the adversities they might face. 

my mother said this  to me only minutes before I sat and typed this, " Sinead. If God had wanted you to be a boy he would have made you that way!" How could I explain to her? Mom if God had wanted us to not be able to change he would have made female bodies unable to receive the affects of testosterone, or Mom if God had wanted us to not make medical changes he would not have allowed us to discover the amazing knowledge to do so. How can I tell her that the beliefs she is basing all of her arguments on are ideas that have been subject to change for thousands of years and can't be trusted!! How can I say that without sounding like I have the devil in me?

I don't think I can.

All I know is that, God put me here to go through an ordeal (right now the ordeal looks to be trying to change my body to match my soul) . So that on that day when it's done I am fully put together. My Mind, soul, and spirit and with it all my knowledge and experiences(which is what goes back to God) will be whole and perfect. the way God had planned it to be, because of what I went through.

Does that sorta kinda make sense? Or am I just ranting to a one person audience that consists of a crazed confuse soul?

So what's up?

Wow it has to been such a freakin' long time!!!  How are you all?

So let's update. I got one project to finish before I'm finished with high school FOREVER!!!
And I'll be starting college in the fall.

summer for me this year will be so fun! Me, my cousin, my two bestfriends are going on a road trip to
MONTREAL for my bday. Can't freakin wait! I'm going to have fun, maybe have a drink, meet some hot frenchy guys.
Nothing to crazy. But I'm running out of ideas of what to do up there. My friends don't care for art and science museums.
So if any of you have been there or live there please tell me about it.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! So yea it's been awhile!

but don't worry I'm back! So let me update 'cha on what is happening with me.

        1) I got a job at my childhood elementary school! it's so fun and the kids are pretty cool.
        2)I'm going to the dir en grey concert next month in Toronto.
        3)IT'S HALLOWEEN! I made a jack-o-lantern! LOOK! tell me what 'cha think?

lol I have one, but it'ssomething that happened to my mom, aunt, and their two friends. My mother says it's true and I believe her.
She put her hand on the bible and swore to god she wasn't lying.

It was in the early moring on a foggy day, my mom says she and her gang where on their way to catch the school bus. They stood
talking as they waited and then they noticed a man walking across the street. My mother describes this person as a tall man wearing a trench coat and ski mask, but none of them thought anything of it cuz it was cold out.

My mom said they all started to notice him as he began crossing the street coming towards them, when he stopped in the middle of the street and a car went straight through him. The group of girl stood there in shock and then the man looks at them and takes off his ski mask to reveal that he has no head! Mom said her and her friends ran as fast as they could to the closest friends house.

To this day my mother, aunt, and their friends who were there stand by the idea that they saw a ghost man. 

let me see.....

The house that is behind my house is huanted, i think, Idk if the ghost is still there. But anyway, when I was like about 9 or 8, the family who lived there had a teenage son who was sevrely depressed and on drugs. One day they found him dead in the garage when the perents came back from work. He had killed himself by drinking battery acid. And during the mourning time for the family I went over with my grandmother to tell them how sorry we were for their lose, and I saw him(the dead boy) in the upstairs window. I wasn't scared or anything, and I didn't think anyone would believe me.

So yea those are my ghost stories.^_^

A dead samurai! I'm going to try and find some fake ninja stars so I can look like they are soming out of my head and neck.

Crap ADHD has been taking it's toll on me for forever. I even remeber the day in 2nd grade when the teacher said I had ADHD.
lol It was that time of the day when the teacher reads stories I don't really remember what it was about, but I do remember that I got  bored and looked outside and saw a squirl, and I'm not even joking, I got up during the story went to the window and started asking questions about the squirl. My teacher was not happy. lol

Oh what else.......because of ADHD I wasn't able to pick up reading till 6th grade and I completely sucked last year in school cuz I didn't have my meds to keep me focused. but this year is so much better. thank you modern medicin.

Hey friends!!

I have a new job!!!!!!! YES! MONEY!! It's part time so I have this and my old job. I start work on monday.
It's great. I'm going to be a lunch monitor at my old elementary school. hahaha! kids don't know what in for 'em!
lol

No I don't. I want to eat out!!! but I wait til I get home to eat cuz it saves money.
I don't have enough to be buy junk all the time, and I'm too lazy to make lunch before hand. lol

I hate racism..........................
Especially when it's where I am. On this website. It's stupid. I know I can't control it, but it hurts. I try to get away from it, but I end up finding it anyway........ It reminds me that as a people, humans are really along way away from where god wants us to be. And it's crazy group that have cool ideas of loving their history and culture that take it too far.. It's good that they love themselves and their people, but they take it too far. And thats all I'm going to write about this upsetting topic.

yes. I'm not in a broccoli, or corn. I'm in a pickle.

So I just got all my classes set up and I went to orientation, and everything. Now it turns out i won't be able to go!!!
Oh man!!!! well I could go to college, but I risk the change of creating huge drama, and not being able to go in the future.
now getting a job is a must. I can't do this one i have any long. money is needed and I'm running out fast. So I've applied
to many different places. 1)plum garden 2)mama san's 3)McDonald's 4)barns and nobles 5)wegmans and about 3 places 
in the mall. god I hope i get hired somewhere.

Anyway, I'm going to the MSI concert in about 4 week. I very excited, but not as excited as I am for the up coming DIR EN GREY concert!!!!!!!!! OMG and my friends kai and kaa-chan are planning to come with me, so we can make it a girl's trip!! This will be so  much freakin fun! then only thing that gets in the way of this plan is my crazy small checks. I don't make enough to get a hotel and stay there for 2 to 3 days, plus the bus or train tickets.....but I can buy a ticket! :) My first plan was for i just to be me. I'd stay with my uncle at his place in NYC, go to the concert, and the next day he'd show me around and junk. then I thought and decided I didnt' want to go alone so I invited a friend, and then another. but to extra people is too much for my uncles place. plus i feel rude asking. hopefully I can make enough.....

Ride a frickin' bike. thats what I've been doing. lol my mom actually wants to buy me a car, and I'm like,
"gee thanks but could you not. I want to actually have money. I good with just taking a bus or something"
But thats just me.

Many things my friend. Let's see, sky diving, fighting with actual swords(but i feel bad for the other guy), telling my crush how i feel, making an awesome manga, and opening my own martial arts school, and maybe studying some insanely hard class in college, try out for american idol or something like that.

 lol I've always wanted to change the color of racist persons to see how'd they act when they
realize they are who they hate! *evil lols* But if I could only change nature......idk. Maybe the grass
could be majenta or some pretty out there color like that. *shrugs*

 Hey friends,

So what fun stuff have I been up to? Well I went to Sea Breeze like two weeks ago than a day later we went to Darien Lake. So freakin fun but I couldn't stand to have my feet on the ground afterwards. They hurt that much!! And they hurt for about a week after too. The next week (aka last week) was great too. Kai-chan had moved out of her uncle's house and into a shared apartment with some of our other friends, and last week I went and had a 2 day sleep over. 

It was amazing. Well maybe just really fun, but it wasn't like we did a lot. All we did was play video games, watch movies, eat and make music (cuz we started a band), but I didn't really do anything with the music but make a cool guitar riff and sing the back up in a song. Our friend Justin knows more about everything and made up for our lack of talent. Anyway we already started like 3 songs. I'll update yea more on them as they come along.^_^

She also has the cutest, most spazztastic kitten ever! Sorta looks like the cat Miyavi had in his pics.

yea well I sorta thought I'd have more to right cuz it was so much fun but I guess I didn't. 

jaa mata ne

 My ratty faded ripped jeans, my Dir en grey shirt and comfortable shoes.
maybe not the most fashionible but it's simple and comfy....... ^_^

 That my friend is a very good question. There are just soooo many fruits to choose from, but do you know what I think would be very interesting? A Coconut apple mix. I think I would call it a Capplenut. But then if I could hybrid fruit I wouldn't just stop at that you know.
but thats what i got for now.

 So on the 5th was the opening Pineapple Express and my friend said she could get us a discount or something for the opening at midnight. Which was absolutely great! But that night there was a thunderstorm and we didn't have a car to get there. So Kai, her sister and myself packed up some clothes put them in water proof bags, (I put on a poncho) and we all road our bikes down about 3 miles to the theater. It was like swimming only on a bike....there were puddles filling the whole street and I was soaked I wouldn't see a foot in front of me. It was amazing! loved ever second of it. 

Well when we got there the tickets were all sold out and there was no way my friend could get us the discount or whatever, but somehow we got in and got to see the movie for free. Which was really sweet! After we got our seats saved we got changed. I bought snacks and we enjoyed the movie. Really great movies. I adore James Franco in that movie. I won't mind seeing it again.

The rest of night night was ok. I bought some cherries at Wegmans which gave me something to look forward to after the long ride back. but it didn't make the ride any more fun. I was sleepy, my legs were hurting and my bag of wet clothes slowed me down. But when I did get home I was ready for bed. I didn't even eat the cherries, but I did write a hands of note for the people who I knew would be eying them. but the note didn't work. everyone eat them anyway. WTF!!!!!!